Why people abuse

Abuse is a learned behavior. Some people witness it in their own families growing up. Others learn it slowly from friends, popular culture, or structural inequities throughout our society. No matter where they develop such behaviors, those who commit abusive acts choose to do so — they also could choose not to.

 

Many people experience or witness abuse and use their experiences to end the cycle of violence. They also take steps to heal themselves without harming others. While outside factors (including drug or alcohol addiction) can escalate abuse, it’s important to recognize that these issues do not cause domestic violence.

 

Who does abuse affect?

Anyone can be abusive, and anyone can be the victim of abuse. Abuse happens regardless of gender, age, sexuality, race, economic status, ability, citizenship status, or any other factor or identity. Feelings of confusion, fear, or anger are normal responses to abuse. Additionally, abuse may make you feel isolated or like no one will understand. Remember that expert advocates from The Hotline are available 24/7. They can talk through your situation and help you build a safety plan tailored to your circumstances.

 

Being abusive is a decision: it’s a strategic behavior by your partner to create their desired power dynamic.

 

Regardless of the circumstances of your relationship or past, no one ever deserves to be abused and you’re never responsible for your partner’s abusive actions.

Domestic violence can also strain the people who witness, intervene, or recognize the tragic realities of relationship abuse. It can be painful and draining — physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially — to watch the people in our lives abuse or be abused. In that regard, we are all impacted by any and all forms of abuse. This means it’s on each of us to take steps in our daily interactions to end and prevent future abusive behavior.

 

Create Your Personal Safety Plan

A safety plan is a personalized, practical plan to improve your safety while experiencing abuse, preparing to leave an abusive situation, or after you leave.