Recognize the warning signs of abuse

At the start of a new relationship, it’s not always easy to tell if it will later become abusive. In fact, many abusive people appear like ideal partners in the early stages of a relationship. The warning signs of abuse don’t always appear overnight and may emerge and intensify as the relationship grows.

 

Yet, every relationship is certainly different, and domestic violence doesn’t always look the same. However, one feature shared by most abusive relationships is that the abusive partner tries to establish or gain power and control through many different methods at different moments.

   Power and Control

Domestic violence is a pattern of behaviors used to gain or maintain power and control. At The Hotline, our frame of reference for describing abuse is the Power and Control Wheel created by the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project in Duluth, MN. The Power and Control Wheel diagram below assumes she/her pronouns for survivors and he/him pronouns for partners. However, the abusive behavior it details can happen to people of any gender or sexuality.

 

Moreover, the wheel diagram serves as tactics abusive partners use to keep survivors in a relationship. The inside of the wheel makes up subtle, continual behaviors over time, while the outer ring represents physical and sexual violence. Thus, abusive actions like those depicted in the outer ring reinforce the regular use of other, more subtle methods found in the inner ring.